The Conundrum of Leah Clearwater
by metacognitive
Summary: Watch as she leaves them to solve her abandoned puzzle.
1. Falling

_Our whole life is solving puzzles.  
**~~Erno Rubik**_

* * *

She drips blood the way maple leaks from bark. He stares at her, eyes wide, glued to the scarlet on her hands.

"Leah," he breathes, and suddenly his vision is white with fury.

"_Leah!_"

She stares at him simply, head cocked, like a dog.

_(Because she is one…)_

Sighing, she brings a damp hand to her head, running it through chopped locks. "Oh Jacob," she says sadly, "it had to be done."

"Come. Here. _Now._" The wind is loud on their ears, and both can hear the howling from the beach below.

She shakes her head, smiles. "No."

She falls.


	2. Oddity

_...they were hungry for play, they were hungry for any kind of normalcy.  
**~~Connie Sellecca**_

* * *

The day was simple. An argument with Paul. Lazy bickering with Seth. Food with Jake. Nothing was off, it was a simple day.

Nobody knows what set her off. Everyone's story was the same: _Leah was just being Leah_. It was the same old song playing, and no one had been overly harsh, no worse than usual, and Paul still claims she had walked out laughing at his stupidity – "Her words, not mine."

But no one has heard the Uley's story. Emily has been silent – and Jacob does not believe in grief. Sam hasn't commented either. Neither will speak.

Odd.


	3. Unknown

_Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.  
**~~Aristotle**_

* * *

"No! Leah – this can't be – you're not – _no_," is Seth's mournful cry. He chokes and splutters, Jared holding him back from storming up the cliff. Jared, however, slackens his grip as he sees Jacob approach.

"Jake…" he starts, but stops, taking note of Jacob's state and the absence of a certain she-wolf. "Fuck," he breathes, and Seth stumbles forward, out of his grip.

"Jacob," he hisses, clutching at Jacob's arms, eyes wild and pleading, "don't – don't _fucking_ tell me that – no – _what is happening_?"

Jacob's heart is breaking. He sighs, breath uneven. "I don't know Seth. I don't _fucking_ know."


	4. Fate

_Fate is for those too weak to determine their own destiny.  
**~~Kamran Hamid**_

* * *

He remembers that first talk. The one that lacked all fury, any emotions that showed any type of disappointment in him, truly peaceful.

"Do you really want this?" she asked him. He had stared at her, shocked.

"Of course!" he had exclaimed, eager to convince anyone of his love for Renesmee, "It's fate, Leah."

She had smiled sadly, shaking her head slightly, "You still believe in fate?"

"Yes."

She seemed melancholy, "Oh Jake. Its days like this that I remember how young we are."

"Leah…?" he seemed unsure, curious as to her current behavior.

She shook her head. "It's nothing."


	5. Hatred

_Anger may be kindled in the noblest breasts: but in these slow droppings of an unforgiving temper never takes the shape of consistency of enduring hatred.  
__**~~M. Kathleen Casey**_

* * *

The tension between the two women would have caused even the bravest of men to run. Finally, the shorter of the two began her attack.

"How _dare_ you? Come here, to try and 'sort this out,' when you know you've caused us so much grief?"

The taller woman sighed, running a hand over her unmarred face; "I'm sorry, Emily. You have no idea. I want you to know I love you, I don't care anymore – take him, he's not mine. Em, please understand –"

"_Quiet_," hissed her counterpart, "never, for as long as I live, will I _ever_ forgive you."


	6. Stop

_Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.  
**~~Norman Cousins**_

* * *

He loses control.

Jared and Jacob barely manage to phase in time when Seth explodes, the little clothes he wears shredded. The only thing Jacob can make out is _nononoLeahno_. Jared, on the other hand, must merely watch in silence as Jacob tries to soothe his pack mate.

_She wanted it, Seth, her choice…_

The sandy wolf growls, hackles rising, _Is that supposed to comfort me? To make it better?_

Jacob whines; _Would you have stopped her?_

_Yes!_

The russet canine shakes his head slowly, humming disconsolately; _You really would have stopped her from the one thing she could achieve?_


	7. Goodbye

_For you I'd give up everything I own  
and move to a Communist country.  
If you came with me, of course.  
And I'd file my nails, so they don't hurt you.  
And lose those pounds. Learn about football.  
If it made you stay. But you won't. But you won't.  
**~~Shakira, "Don't Bother"**_

* * *

"What did I do?" she pleaded, "I can change, Sam, I will. I love you, please don't do this."

Sam shook his head, keeping his expression blank of any emotion. Not that he felt anything towards the woman before him; "I'm sorry, Leah, but this isn't working out."

"Isn't working out?" she murmured, "Sam, a few weeks ago you were telling me we'd get married. _What is happening?_"

He shook his head, "Leah –"

"Ever since Emily –" she stopped, seeing the dreamy look on his face. She froze. "Emily?" she breathed, voice poisonous.

"I'm sorry." And he ran. Typically.


	8. Alright

_To hell with you and all your friends, to hell with you and all your friends it's on…  
I've got a bad feeling about this, I've got a bad feeling about…  
**~~Taking Back Sunday, "A Decade Under the Influence"**_

* * *

She sat, curled up in her room. Her mother didn't even bother trying to coax her out of the room, however that may have been because of the absence of her husband.

"Leah," Seth cooed to her, on the other side of her door, "come out, Leah, it's alright."

He said the magic words. Leah throws her door open, glaring and gritting her teeth.

"Seth," she said coldly, eyes fiery, "our father is dead. Both you and I can transform into _dogs_. I now know _why_ Sam left me. _Why_ all of this can't be controlled.

"Things are _not_ alright."


	9. Baby

_But if you believe  
You'll do best without me  
I'll let it go...  
**~~Musiq Soulchild & Mary J. Blige, "If U Leave"**_

* * *

Sue raises an eyebrow when Jacob arrives, bloody and haggard. She shakes her head, sighs; "Jacob, you really need to control that temper of yours –"

"Sue," he interrupts, voice flat. She looks over him worriedly; never before has he addressed her like that.

"Jacob? Is everything alright?" Finally, she catches sight of Seth, being supported by Jared. Her eyes widen, then narrow dangerously. "Jacob Black, explain this madness to me. _Now_."

"She's dead."

She recoils, "What?"

"Leah is dead, Mrs. Clearwater. She threw herself off the cliff. The tide is low."

She stares at him. Her baby…

She falls.


	10. Prophet

_The beginning of thought is in disagreement, not only with others but also with ourselves.  
**~~Eric Hoffer**_

* * *

"Do you really need to be such a _bitch?_" Jacob snapped one day, while waiting for Leah at the beach. Everyone else had already gone up to the cliffs, and both wolves could see them diving.

Leah had arrived, taken one look at Jacob, and scoffed, completely ignoring him and heading towards the others. She casually flipped her head back, "Yes."

He scowled. She snorted, "Think before you speak, that way the arguments you get off on last as long as you want." When he blushed angrily, she smirked.

"One day, Leah, your actions are going to kill you. _Watch_."


	11. Control

_...I stand now where you once stood  
In control  
But without the violence  
Lacking the malicious intentions...  
**~~Danielle Mundy, "Control"**_

* * *

"Em," he tried to plead with her, willing to put everything behind them, "she's sorry, she wants it to be like should have been from the beginning. C'mon, you've been waiting for this."

She glared at him, lips pursed, and he frowned. He knew there was no way he could convince her.

_(He loved her, really he did.)_

"No, Sam," she said, fists clenched, "after everything she's done to us, the things she's said – you should have _heard_ her, saying she _pitied_ me! – no, I _will not_ forgive her or let her into our lives."

"But –"

She silenced him.


	12. Revenge

_[Revenge] is sweeter far than flowing honey.  
**~~Homer, "Smyrns of Chios"**_

* * *

Their count is down to two. Both are crying. Sue is openly sobbing, hands pressed against her eyes; her son, however, stands, head bent, shoulders shaking with held back tears.

Jared is smart; he left before the tears. Jacob did not.

"Why?" Sue cries, "Why did she do it, Jacob? I thought she was getting better, she was _happy_."

Jacob almost answers, but is caught off guard when Seth is suddenly next to him, hissing, "You better help me find whoever did this."

Jacob looks at both of them; "Trust me. I will find whoever did this. They _will_ pay."


	13. Silver

_A suicide kills two people...  
**~~Arthur Miller**_

* * *

She had panicked. She didn't know how to fix it; didn't know if she should even _try_.

Leah had no idea what the _fuck_ she was supposed to do now.

Emily had changed. She had Sam by the collar, and apparently Leah didn't matter to her anymore. Had Leah _not_ changed, she'd have been fine with it; that said, however, Leah was over it. She was getting better; she was _happy_.

"What do I do?" Leah breathed. She turned, hands running over her face. She saw a glint of silver.

"No," she said loudly, glaring at the mocking utensils.

"_Never_."


	14. Inconsiderate

_...I feel like a fool, but I would be feelin' it anyway  
cause nobody loves me...  
**~~Angel Taylor, "Like You Do"**_

* * *

"Leah, calm down."

"Leah, it's nothing."

"Leah, you're being inconsiderate."

"Leah, stop being such a bitch."

"Harry Clearwater was pronounced dead at two thirty-one PM, dead of a heart attack. He is survived by his wife, Sue, and two children: Leah, his daughter, and Seth, his son."

"We will all miss him, Leah. You're not the victim here."

"Get over it. Stop exaggerating."

"Leave, Leah. See if we care."

"You're a liability now, you know that?"

_-_

_"...and boy you know it's bad when you do that  
but you don't care..."_

_-_

_I'm sorry,_

The note read;

_I can't do this anymore. You've made it clear before. Even if you don't mean it._

_I love you._


	15. Question

_Revenge is an act of passion; vengeance of justice. Injuries are revenged; crimes are avenged.  
__**~~Samuel Johnson**_

* * *

Jacob watches the two remaining Clearwater's cry in silence. Finally, he turns and walks out their door, making his way home. When he walks in, he is bombarded with questions.

"Jacob, what happened?" his father questions.

"Tell me why Paul just ran out of here," Rachel demands.

He decides tact is useless; why prolong pain?

"Leah Clearwater is dead."

Silence.

Rachel stares at him, lips parted. While never the best of friends, they grew up together.

"Who…?"

He looks at her blankly.

"I don't know why."

"So you're just going to let it go?" she shrieks.

"No," he snarls:

_"Never."_


	16. Wonder

_Truth will always be truth, regardless of lack of understanding, disbelief or ignorance.  
**~~W. Clement Stone**_

* * *

"I can't believe she actually did that," Kim murmurs to herself, face pressed to the cool glass of the back door's window in her and Jared's home; "they're family, no matter what, aren't they? How'd she–?"

"Babe?" Jared's uncertain voice echoed, "You okay?"

Kim turned towards her lover, his weary and sweaty body close to collapsing on their tile floor. She looks over him worriedly, ignoring his question.

"Oh my God, what's wrong?"

Shaking his head, he instead takes Kim into his arms, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." she mutters. He sighs.

"Leah. She's – Kim – Leah's dead."

She freezes.

"I –"


	17. Future

_Revenge is a confession of pain.  
__**~~Latin Proverb**_

* * *

One day, he will confront her. One day, he will find the truth. One day, Jacob will finally get it.

One day, she will leave. One day, she will drown in her own spun truths. One day, Emily will have her comeuppance.

One day, he will move on. One day, he will find what he lost. One day, Sam will find his escape.

-

He will find her. He will get his revenge. He will not rest until he does so.

She will cry. She will plead, ask _why?_ She will never truly get over it.

-

Emily has cursed them all.


	18. Try

_Love means exposing yourself to the pain of being hurt, deeply hurt by someone you trust.  
**~~Anonymous**_

* * *

_You're not the only victim,_ she had whispered to him. _I'm here, you know_. He had glared at her, told her to leave him be. She'd shaken her head.

He lost something, something so incredibly important that day, and only now is he realizing it. He slams a fist into a tree, growling. He half wants to go see the Cullens. Maybe...

No. He can't to it anymore, he just _can't._

"What do you want?" he shouts into the gray sky. He falls, knees scraping against the debris on the forest floor. "_What?" _he cries, voice cracking.

"I _tried_ Leah."


	19. Realize

_"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be"_  
**_~~C.S. Lewis_**

* * *

With tears falling from his eyes, he wanders around the reserve aimlessly. It feels as if he's been walking around in hours, but the sun is still high in the sky. It's barely eleven. Leah has been dead for two hours.

_Why'd she do it?_ he asks himself, _why make us fight for hours? We were out there all night, calling to her, looking for her. What was she thinking?_

What. Was. She. Thinking.

Jacob chokes back a sob; never again will he be able to talk to her, question her.

There's a rustle – he spins around. Lips snarl:

"_Sam_."


	20. Explain

_...Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win._  
**_~~Stephen King_**

* * *

_"_What the _fuck_ did you do, Sam?" Jacob demands, and for a moment the thrilling feeling of heat spreading through his body nearly forces him to change. Sam steps back, arms held up; truce, he seems to say.

His lips still pulled into a snarl, Jacob steps forward, and for a few moments their steps are like this. Backward, forward, backward, forward.

"Explain yourself!" Jacob nearly shouts, and for the first time they can remember, the Alpha tone is present.

Sam takes a deep breath, however Jacob intercepts, tone dark, sullen; "What do you know?"

Heartbroken, one would say.


	21. Truth

_Our demons are our own limitations, which shut us off from the realization of the ubiquity of the spirit...each of these demons...[must be] conquered... _  
**_~~Joseph Campbell_**

* * *

"Nothing."

And with that, Jacob lunges. Any bystander, regardless of a trained eye, would see the muscles move swiftly beneath the reddened coat his wolf form had. Sam phases as well, however makes no move to attack Jacob, nor does he attempt to defend himself.

_Liar!_ Jacob hisses, aiming towards Sam's legs, biting, sharp teeth sinking into the muscle. He falls without reacting to him.

_Jacob_, he tries to say, however the other will here none of it.

_She is **dead**, Sam_, Jacob seethes, feeling a sick sense of pleasure when the noir wolf whimpers. _And you expect me to -_

_Jacob,_ Sam interrupts, _it's Emily_.


	22. Refuse

_All forms of tampering with human beings, getting at them, shaping them against their will to your  
own pattern...is, therefore, a denial of that in men which makes them men and their values ultimate._  
**_~~Isaiah Berlin_**

* * *

"I'm so sorry..."

"Really? Because if you _were_, your reaction to him would be different!"

"Leah, please..."

"No, Emily! You know how much I love him! _Shouldn't_ you let him go? _He was mine first_."

"You - you can't own someone, Leah. He loves me. And...I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. Don't make me choose."

...

"I'm _so_ sorry..."

"What do you want? I begged you for over a year, and now _you're_ asking me?"

"Emily, I -"

"Why should I forgive you if _I_ was never given the favor?"

"..."

"I won't do this."


	23. Agree

_Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead._  
**_~~Benjamin Franklin_**

* * *

"Can you _believe_ her?" she'd asked, shocked. The other had looked around nervously, stirring her tea.

"I don't know, maybe–" but she had been cut off. The tension in the air increased.

"Don't tell me you believe her, Kim. You of all people should understand!"

"Hey, Em, that's not what I meant–"

"You don't understand. She tried taking him away. What if it was Jared? What if–"

"Emily!" the voice was sharp, demanding, "_she is family_."

She answered, voice dull yet steely, and her counterpart leaned away from her, "No one else will know."

Silence. The pitter-patter of rain.

_"Right?"_


	24. Talk

_...Take me away, like I overdosed on cocaine,_  
_Or take me away, like a bullet from Kurt Cobain..._  
**_~~The Game, "My Life"_**

* * *

"Jake…I don't even – Jake, it was…it was Emily.

"She said something about…about how she deserved it? It's like – god, I don't know anymore.

"Something is wrong with her; maybe you said something before, but now I know what's happening. Emily, she's…not healthy, her mind it's…it's going or something.

"But that doesn't really matter, does it? I mean, yeah, it does, actually but, Jake. Jake, Leah's…she just can't be…I…where's Seth? Is there any way we can –?

"Wait. Jake,_ Jacob!_ Come back, you can't just – _no,_ no _wait!_

"…I know. I _know_. But I love –"


	25. Rage

_...time to go down in flames and I'm taking you_  
_closer to the edge..._  
_~~Taking Back Sunday, "Closer to the Edge"_

* * *

He sprints through the forest.

He is gone.

"Jake!" he can hear Sam calling him, voice frantic. His instincts are in high gear - he can feel the wolf rising within him, combining with the uncontrolled emotions sitting in his heart.

This is where it hits the fan.

Branches snap beneath his feet, and he vaguely notices the thin scratches already healing along his torso.

"Jacob, _stop_."

But the command has no worth; it has had no worth, and Jacob is on a mission.

He is naked, angry, and being chases by his former alpha.

Emily had no idea what she'd unleashed.


	26. Diffuse

_...I'd rather go to hell_  
_than be in a purgatory,_  
_cut my hair, gag and bore me_,  
_pull this pin, let this world explode..._  
_~~My Chemical Romance, "Na Na Na"_

* * *

"Emily!"

"Jacob! For Gods' sake, put your damn shorts on!"

Sam throws them at him, glaring until he finally relents and pulls them on. "Don't do this," he warns.

"Why should I listen?" Jacob prompts, fists clenched white at his sides.

"She's my - "

"It doesn't matter."

"How - "

"This is a _pack issue_."

"...Jake..."

"Sam?" she exits, looks at them, and pales. Glares at Jacob, says, "What's going - ?"

"You tell me, Emily."

She is silent for a moment, head down, before she turns.

"Your cousin is dead!" he shouts after her retreating form; "Are you fucking _happy_ now?"


	27. Love

_...oh, sometimes love's intoxicating  
oh, you're coming down, your hands are shaking  
when you realize there's no one waiting...  
~~The Script, "Nothing"_

* * *

"Think about it, I mean, honestly? Imprinting? Paul, tell me, did you ever want Rachel before this?"

"Heh. To be honest, I thought Billy had this weird incest going on. Jacob? Rachel? C'mon."

"...Shut up, Paul. Sick. What is wrong with you?"

"No, no, no, Jacob, _you_ tell _us_ - "

"Enough, Leah."

"Seriously, though, Sam. What about love? Amour? All 'ze rrromance?'"

"Doesn't exist."

"I beg to differ."

"Course you do."

"...I liked it, you know. The feeling? It was a high, it was getting drunk in Seattle. It was a roller-coaster - don't start singing, Paul."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"It was _life_."


	28. Care

_Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.  
~~J. K. Rowling _

* * *

"Don't think you can -"

"Can _what? What?_ Jacob, I don't know why you're here -"

"Oh, sure, _now_ you don't, but when Leah ran out of here a broken mess -"

"Jake, back up, Em, just tell him what -"

"Stop, Sam, no, I know how this is, it's like all of a sudden -"

"- all your fault, she's dead, you know that?"

"- now that she's gone -"

"- dead, dead, _dead!_ -"

"Jacob, _stop_ -"

"ENOUGH!"

Words no longer drowning together, both men pause to look at her. They're all panting, and for the first time he can remember, Sam can see her scars.

_"I don't care."_


	29. Dedication

_...with every worthless word we get more far away,  
and nothing's ever promised tomorrow today, _  
_nothing lasts forever but be honest babe, _  
_it hurts but it may be the only away..._  
_~~Adam Levine, "Heard 'Em Say" by Kanye West._

* * *

It all comes down to a split second. He sees Emily, he hears Sam, he feels the pain that Leah suffered.

When it ends, it's only appropriate it's as unforgettable as her.

He feels the tug of the wolf in his veins, can taste the fear in the air as he half turns, her scream caught in her throat as he feels Sam's teeth in his arm.

_Phase._

She's catapulted back, crashing over the counter as he turns on Sam, teeth and blood at the forefront of their minds.

A wail whips out, gnashing and gnawing and _for you, Leah._


	30. Obedience

_We live in a rainbow of chaos.__  
__~~Paul Cezanne_

* * *

Stop, Sam orders, but his growl tapers off into a whimper when Jacob manages to sink his teeth just under his throat, reeling when he feels the crack of his collarbone.

He shudders, collapses, as Jacob phases back, glaring down at him. He turns when he hears Emily's pained cry, sees her clutching her abdomen from her spot in the living room.

She stares up at him in fear, scars matching both sides of her face.

"Watch me now," he snaps, and she shrinks away. His hand wraps around her wrist.

"No._ No_. You're going to listen to me. Now."


	31. Explanation

_In time of war, when truth is so precious, it must be attended by a bodyguard of lies.__  
__~Winston Churchill_

* * *

"I'm going to tell you this one time, and one time only. This is not a game, this is not a warning, this is fact. Law, and you will obey.

"You are, no matter what, going to bend to my will. I don't care if you're Alpha, I don't care if you're not even part of the pack. You are by association.

"You, Emily, have killed a beta. My Beta, second-in-command. This is not child's play. This is something much more serious, something you must pay for.

"This is war, Emily, and I can guarantee you, you aren't the winner."


	32. Act

_If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.__  
__~Bishop Desmond Tutu_

* * *

Jacob has never been merciful to the unworthy.

Taking Sam down is easy enough— a quick snap of the jaws giving a broken femur and cries echoing in Jacob's head, in the air around him.

But Emily— he practically revels in her shriek, something he makes note to think over later but for now, allows the silent rage that Leah had somehow overcome as he turns to her.

You won't survive, he thinks to himself, and lunges, the last taste on his tongue before the white rage takes over being her fear.

_(For Leah, for her pain and— for Leah.)_


	33. Taste

_All the black inside me__  
i__s slowly seeping from the bone__  
__Everything I cherish__  
__Is slowly dying, or it's gone  
__Kings of Leon, Pyro_

* * *

The taste leaves a bitterness in his mouth, one he can't get rid of for a long time. It will take months, years even, for him to return to the man he once was, to be able to look at the cliffs and the water and even Seth without feeling that hopelessness, fear and anger all wrapped into one.

As it is, however, he exits their house, silent, and washes himself in the river. He knows what he is done is unthinkable. Knows some will never forgive him.

But in the end, their death is sweet as nectar, for all.


	34. Finale

_No lights are over the mesa,  
The wind is hard and wild,  
I stand at the darkened window  
And cry like a child.  
Sara Teasdale, excerpt from "Night in Arizona," 1915_

* * *

He carries her home.

His arms are scratched, mouth still bloody, but his hands cradle her broken neck to his chest, her six-foot frame still managing to look infantile in his arms. The roads are empty, quiet; he wonders if the lingering scent of blood is from her or from the Uley household.

It doesn't matter anymore.

After what feels like hours, he quietly enters the Clearwater's empty home, allowing Leah her homecoming, Sue sobbing and Seth trembling as he gently places her on the couch. He closes her eyes, brushes a kiss to her clammy skin.

"I will remember."


End file.
